DOUBT IS A DIRTY WORD.

DOUBT IS A DIRTY WORD.

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Kristina L. Allen is the mother of eight children and the author of seven books. Kristina hopes to inspire fellow Job’s Princesses out there find the purpose for their pain. Notwithstanding, She hopes to build a foundation that will build schools for those precious children and safe houses for those rescued from human trafficking. She welcomes contact from any of her readers at KristinaLAllen63@gmail.com. Click here to view her books on her Amazon Author

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In Christian circles, it seems that when one doubts GOD, then we think we are in a state of unbelief. We think we may be in sin, as we have observed from the Gospels. Jesus was very patient with the disciples, except when they doubted. We also note that in the Gospels, where unbelief was there, Jesus could not perform as many miracles, as in His home town. Poor Thomas, doubting Thomas, we want to fret him, now don’t we. I mean how could he not believe Jesus rose from the dead, they all said He did, we know that He did, right? Are we guilty of looking at Thomas from the perspective of having read the end of the book?

Animals do not come back from the dead, so if I told you GOD resurrected my kitten after I stepped on it and crushed its spine, you will probably think, “Well, it probably was not really dead, or that I was making this up.” I am guilty of such things when someone tells me of a miracle they have experienced. Why is that? I have seen the miraculous hand of GOD, so why would I doubt someone else’s miracle? I finally found out the answer to that question last night.

I was reading Chuck Swindoll’s little booklet, “The Benefit of the Doubt,” and I finally figured out Thomas, not from what I read, but from what I have experienced. All that Jesus Christ told the disciples was going to happen completely baffled them. They had different expectations from the Messiah. All of the Old Testament prophecies pointed to a Messiah that would free them from oppression. The thing is they have no concept of spiritual oppression.  For as much as I have studied the Old Testament, every time an enemy was spoken of, it was an army of flesh, not of principalities. These people understood demonic possession, but not demonic oppression. When we have never experienced something and the concept is so foreign to us, it is easy and natural to doubt. Even poor John the Baptist doubted Jesus was who He proclaimed. We need to stop and try to see these people having walked in their shoes, not in our own contemporary designer ones.

Jump forward 2000+ years and this old girl has finally figured out why doubt has been the thorn in my flesh that GOD kept letting knock me back. I know that GOD has a plan for my work. I know that I was called of GOD and that someday, GOD is going to do something mighty and wonderful with my work. I know that GOD has a purpose for me, not to harm me, but to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future. So, if I know all this, why do I keep falling into despair?

It is the devil’s D-tools. You see, doubt unrestrained leads to discouragement. Lingering discouragement leads to depression. Depression that holds us hostage leads to despair. Despair leads to hopelessness and then suicidal thoughts after that. Have I had them?  Heck yeah.  When the rubber meets the road, though, my hope and dream in life is to give people hope and a dream. If I have worked my tail off for all these years and then throw in the towel, well, there goes all my hard work. How can anyone been inspired by my life if I ended it in despair. Thus, I must go on.

What is there in life to be so despaired about, you ask. Oh, my goodness, have I got a life to share with you, however, I won’t bore you with the details.  Let me just say, GOD is the one who called me His “Job’s Princess,” only without all the good stuff at the beginning.  Happiness is as foreign to me as a resurrected man was to Thomas. Likewise, having someone love me just because they do, or being happily married is a concept I just cannot wrap my brain around. It is something I have never experienced in 30 years of marriage, nor did I ever see it in my parents or my siblings. Therefore, when GOD tells me that someday I’m going to be happy, (not just joy in the LORD), but downright, dancing in the street happy, and better than that, happily married to a man who cannot help but love me with an epic love, yeah, sure I’m going to doubt.

My little kitten

Did you believe the kitten story?  I will bet you did not, or if you did, you probably had doubts about the true authenticity of it, because it sounds so ridiculously absurd. Well, so does the idea of being a successful author, happily married, terribly in love and getting that fairy tale ending for my life.

I also doubt some of the things GOD shows me are yet to come. I do not ever doubt the truth that Jesus walked this earth. It is in the history books, and now, because I saw GOD raise a dead as a doorknob kitten after twenty minutes of being dead as a doorknob, I never doubt the existence of GOD anymore. Not only did He raise that kitten, but in the course of seven hours, He rebuilt that kitten’s spine, because I crushed it.

So, if you are feeling guilty because you doubt, take heart my friend, there is NOTHING to feel guilty about. For Pete’s sake, even John the Baptist doubted Jesus, because he was trapped in a dungeon with no assurance that he would be let free. In fact, I venture to guess that when he was headed for the guillotine, he likewise doubted even more, because Jesus Christ, with the spoken word, from a distance miles away, could have supernaturally freed him, yet, Jesus let him die.

Human, your creator knows you better than you do. Doubting is actually healthy, it causes us to question GOD, thus, it gives Him the opportunity to teach us so much more about Himself, and it draws us closer to GOD with each and every doubt. The Bible gives us a great definition of faith, but here is mine. Faith is by choice of the will, forcing yourself to believe what your heart wants to believe, your brain cannot believe and your eyes do not see happening.  My friends, with that kind of faith as your fuel behind you, pushing you along, our Wonderful GOD, who is so pleased with you for choosing to force yourself to believe, even after a mountain of doubt plagues you, will show up with answers to your questions and in the most miraculous of ways. Never stop asking GOD for answers, He loves it.

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Kristina L. Allen is the mother of eight children and the author of seven books. Kristina hopes to inspire fellow Job’s Princesses out there find the purpose for their pain. Notwithstanding, She hopes to build a foundation that will build schools for those precious children and safe houses for those rescued from human trafficking. She welcomes contact from any of her readers at KristinaLAllen63@gmail.com.

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