Suicide is not an option. It beclouds the right thinking of the victim. All the victim sees is no hope, no future. The only option it gives is to end it now. Do not give in to suicide. You have a brighter future more than what you can ever imagine only, if you can see beyond your present circumstances.
About four years ago, I once thought of ending it all. The thoughts and feelings were so intense, deep and strong. I’m a Masters Degree holder, working at completing my PHD programme.
God has been good to me, married to an amazing man who loves me, blessed with children and also a gospel music minister.
I was doing well in terms of my career, I worked with one of the top notch schools in Lekki, Lagos and earned in sensible six figures. But all of a sudden I terribly became depressed! I began to imagine that my life did not count. And it subtly stemmed from the fact that I thought nobody listens to my songs, I thought I wasn’t doing well or making any impact as a gospel music minister. All my life, I have dreamt and worked at blessing lives with the songs God gave me.
I strongly desire that my songs bless people, I desired to be accepted and fulfilled as a gospel music minister but in that area, I thought I had no results. Comparison set in, also with rejection from a few of my choir leaders whom I believed in and I began to feel like a failure.
At some point, it crossed my mind that God had been raising my hopes only to dash them. It was bad and I kept thinking of ending it all since my life didn’t count.
I became blind to the respect and professional acceptance that I enjoyed in my career. I forgot many children and young people that looked up to me every day. I didn’t see how many faces that smile as a result of me being their pastor’s wife.
I forgot all the people that my life had and was positively impacting at that time and all I could think of was “MY LIFE DOES NOT COUNT” I cried often most especially when alone because I thought I was a failure. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because nobody seemed to understand even when I attempted to.
One morning, the surge came again to end it all. I knew I was in a very dangerous place and needed help.
So at around 4:55 am one Wednesday morning, I put a call through to my colleague, Mr. Ade Owolabi who at that time happened to be my closest colleague because we travel home together every day from our office at the Island because he chooses to drive daily and we had grown to become good friends.
He didn’t pick up possibly he was driving or getting ready to set out. I was already waiting for the public bus that would drop me at Victoria Island before proceeding from there to Lekki.
So, I sent him a message “Mr. Owolabi, help! Suicide!”
In about 20mins, he called back with so much concern in his voice but attempting to keep calm….”Mrs. Adebanjo, ki lo sele?” (Mrs. Adebanjo what’s the matter) He asked trying to be calm. I was mute….I couldn’t talk.
At school, he came straight to my class and sat opposite my desk. I poured out, I wept, I ranted. He looked at me and said “I understand all you have said but do you know that it’s because of your encouragement and words of inspiration that I’m still in ministry and I’m still forging on and succeeding today?”
Do you know that when I slot in your CDs in my car or at home, everyone is filled with joy. Do you know how valuable you are in this school? And so he went on and on to tell me things I had become blind to due to discouragement and rejection.
At the end of the 15minutes discussion, I totally saw and agreed that my life counted, that I’m making sense and that my life is beautiful.
I began to give thanks and gradually my energy and zest was restored.
This is my story. I chose to share it to help someone who might currently be where I was in this story. This is to tell you that regardless of the present circumstance, your life counts and you are making sense, though you might not see it due to looking at other people’s achievement or comparing yourself with others.
Whenever the thought comes to end it all, silence that devil and cast it out in Jesus name and reach out to a reliable friend or person for help. Speak out. Satan thrives in secrecy.
Today, I’m not where I truly desire to be but I can see the hand of God working tirelessly at making me into a masterpiece and I give Him thanks daily.
So please sir/ma, don’t give in to the devil. Don’t let him steal your future via suicide. Suicide is not an option. It beclouds the right thinking of the victim. All the victim sees is no hope, no future. The only option it gives is to end it now. Do not give in to suicide. You have a brighter future more than what you can ever imagine only, if you can see beyond your present circumstances.
Source BUSAYOMI ADEBANJO